The Jade Goody effect, hypochondria and a spot more retail therapy.

The week so far has been kind of stressful. I am a complete hypochondriac, but the kind that has such a phobia of receiving bad news (that I am always certain I am going to receive) that I am too scared to go to the dentist or doctors. As a result I worry worry myself half to death over any little niggle, but never dare go to get anything checked out. The phobia is so bad that I go faint in surgeries, and I find it impossible to give blood samples as the panic attack that always comes makes my vain contract and disappear from the surface of my skin.

But this week I decided it was time to confront my fears and booked my first dentist appointment in four years, and my first smear test at the doctors.

The trip to the dentist was HORRIBLE. I was very distressed to discover I have GUM DISEASE which he told me, very kindly, can cause stroke, heart disease and infertility. He took an x ray of my jaw (he must think all my teeth are about to fall out) and I have to go back and have an £110 session with a dental hygienist. All because I was too scared to go to the dentist for years. AND he says I grind my teeth and I have the teeth of a 50 year old. He says this is often due to stress. Well that is one more stress I had not thought about stressing about before… gum disease! Ta Dr what-ever-your name was. Also, I was so freaked out just from being there that I thought he had a special moving chair to relax people... and asked him to ‘turn it off’ because it was making me feel dizzy, but that was actually just me being on the verge of fainting.

The doctors this morning wasn't much better. As soon as I walked into the office I warned the nurse that I have an irrational fear of anything medical and that I may get distressed, but I don't think she was quite prepared for how stressed I was about to get. I'm bad at the best of times, but because I'm now 26 and have not yet been for a smear test (because of my stupid phobia), the fear and worry has built up to an unbearable level. Couple that with the 'Jade Goody' effect, and there you have a recipe for Tabby panic. As much as I tried to remain calm (because it's kind of embarrassing falling to pieces in front of a complete stranger over something so standard that every woman must do) I still ended up having a mini panic attack. while the procedure was being done, and then I was nearly sick after.

It's so frustrating because my rational mind knows I am being silly, but I can't control the panic that washes over me when ever I go to the doctors. The main thing is I did it! It's done. Now I just need to wait 6 weeks for the results, which I'm nervous about as I should have gone a year ago. But the main thing is it's done.

After all this drama I'm feeling kind of fragile, and what better way to calm myself down than a spot of retail therapy. Yes I know I probably need a different kind of therapy, but this is cheaper and prettier.

So I've treated myself to a few bits and bobs from TOPSHOP online, all from the comfort of my desk at work:



Grey linen blazer - £40. I have been flirting with this jacket for about two weeks now, never quite justifying it to myself. But after this week I think I deserve it!



And then I just couldn't resist this rose print vest top - £20. It will go perfectly with the grey linen blazer and some skinny jeans. I love the muted tones, will go well with a lot of the neutrals I plan to wear this summer.

I feel much more relaxed now.

Oh, and do you remember the tribal style gladiator sandals I ordered last week? They arrived yesterday, and they look amazing! I'm feeling really exited for summer now. :o)

Poorly but productive

I'm still not well enough to go out, and thoroughly miserable, bored and grumpy as a result.

However I have used my day productively and had a massive eBay blitz from my sick bed. I sell clothes generally. Mainly my used stuff that I've got bored of, but also some unused bits.

My friend DD is a print designer for the big high street names, and a few times a month they are given access to the sample cupboard where every piece costs £1. The sample cupboard is packed full of clothes and shoes from the designers have bought from other retailers to inspire their work. Some are absolute tat, but some are real finds.

He always gets me a huge bag of stuff each time he goes in which I look forward to receiving each month. Once he got me and amazing pair of tan leather brogue style lace up shoe boots, that I absolutely adore. Another time he found me a gorgeous black bubble hemmed mini dress.

Of course, not all the stuff he finds me will fit or be to my taste, so up it goes straight on eBay, along with my old clothes and anything else I'm selling at the time.

Once you get going with eBay and the money starts coming into your account it's pretty addictive. In the last month so far I have made £250 and that is not including all the pieces I have listed today.

It's a good feeling to have managed to get something productive done today, but it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm still sitting here in the flat, still in my house clothes and that I can't go out tonight. We're on the guestlist for the fabulous Punk in Soho tonight and I'm currently helping my housemate SH get ready. She is trying to tempt me out giving me alcohol to drink and playing tempting tunes, but I'm not budging. I'm still not feeling well and if I go out and get drunk like this I'll still be feeling poorly next weekend.

A lonesome night in for this little one tonight again then.

Shopping Time

Just treated myself to a few bits and bobs from ASOS. I love and hate this website in equal measures. I think that timers should be in place so limiting the amount of time clothes addicts, like myself, can immerse themselves there. I like to tell myself it's not really my fault that I'm clicking on all these garments, and I can't be blamed for spending money I don't have on more clothes. It's just not my fault....

Anyway, excuses aside, here's a little selection of my new must-have goodies!

A gorgeous navy blue wool mix coat. I love the subtle military style of the double breast and buttons. There was a riding coat I loved just a little more... but it was red, and I have red hair and was not too sure it would really suit me.



A check tulip skirt. Perfect for work.


And then of course I needed a little something to wear with the skirt... a necessary purchase and ticks off the lace trend.


Then I accidentally bought these...


Ooops and this... amongst others.

See why this website should come with a warning label? Maybe the mouse should too. Oh well, nothing like a bit of retail therapy to beat the winter blues. Let's just keep fingers crossed now that everything fits. Spending my lunchtime queuing at the post office would kind of eliminate the benefits of shopping online.

Now, what am I going to get rid of from my wardrobe to make room for all this?